SouthFresh

bearded wonder: Are eggs ok to cook if they’re a bit frozen?
me: I would suggest waiting for them to thaw
me: You may end up with weirdness in the cooking process…
bearded wonder: shit, I cracked one and an egg slushy fell out.
me: …unless you’re planning to scramble/omelet
bearded wonder: It will be an omelet.
me: This begs the question….
me: Why are your eggs frozen?
me: Are you doing invitro fertilization of poultry?
bearded wonder: LOL
bearded wonder: Just bought them from Trader Joes
bearded wonder: guess the fridge is too cold
bearded wonder: or
bearded wonder: they just came out of the truck
me: I would take them back.
me: Most eggs come out of a chicken.
me: I don’t know how good a truck-egg-omelet is going to be.

bearded wonder: The taxes scramble ahhh
me: Taxes scramble?
bearded wonder: Yeah, I meat with tax man in a couple hours.
bearded wonder: I sausage the landlord afterwards.
me: How much of a steak do you have in the meating?
bearded wonder: Well done.
me: It’s rare.
bearded wonder: I’ve been smoked.
me: Well that’s mutton new.

I do have to say, being in the office hours before anyone else gets here is slightly creepy.

What-was-that-noise?

Note to self: Make sure not to loan out the USB drive named “cocksucker”

someone: The USB cable on that other hard drive sucks.  This one, you can feel the tightness of.
me: That’s what she said.

So apparently when asked at work to investigate why the system shows that there is “Negative Inventory” nobody finds it as funny as I do to mention that maybe it’s just positive inventory moving backwards in time.

I’ve just found the most amazing combination.  Eat some mango, then have some Fat Tire… the burps are interesting.  Seriously, comment back if you’ve tried this.

bearded wonder: What’s worse than drunk texting?
me: Drunk texting while driving and having sex on Lombard Street in San Francisco.
me: Or listening to Creed.
bearded wonder: lol

I’ve got a box of the new Starbucks Via instant coffee.  To put it to the test I used two packages of the Via instant coffee and to top it off I passed on using hot water and hydrated it with freshly brewed coffee.  If I start to vibrate I’ll let you know.

me: I’m doing my best to get Nancy to start liking vampire stories
bearded wonder: She’s not into them?
me: She doesn’t like them because they’re “ugly”
bearded wonder: ahhh.
me: But she likes the stories.
bearded wonder: “Once Bitten.”
me: Once Bitten rocks.
bearded wonder: Yeah, Jim Carry before he went stupid.
me: EXACTLY
bearded wonder: hmmm, ask my sister.
bearded wonder: She’s a huge vampire nut
bearded wonder: She’s read like every Anne Frank book.
me: Anne Frank is the girl from WWII.
bearded wonder: Been to her house, totally got the vibe.
me: The vampire vibe?
me: Ooh. New JJ Abrams movie…. What if Anne Frank was a vampiress?
bearded wonder: And the Nazis were…. the good guys?
me: I invoke Godwin's Law.