Self Deprecation Will Set You Free

There is no fear quite like that associated with standing at a urinal, looking away from the target, and being overcome by the feeling that while not paying attention, your trajectory has gone horribly wrong.

As I write this, there are officially 6.5 hours left until Halloween starts. In attempting to keep with the spirit (bad clich�?) of things, many of the teams of representatives where I work are decorating their areas. Most have strategically placed faux spider webs, and some a bit more complicated. One team appears to have had a wonderful idea that required many cardboard boxes. They haven’t yet put much of their hoard of boxes to use yet, and I’m forced to assume that they intend their area to be “dressed up” as a packaging store.

me Can you verify this account with the xxxxxxxxxxxxxx we currently have on file?
customer it xxxxx
me Thank you.
me Your password is xxxxxxx
customer ok happen?
me I don’t quite understand your question.
customer thank u much apperactie for help smile have nice day bye
me You’re welcome and thank you. Should you need further assistance, please feel free to contact us again.
customer I just mistake and me misunderstand mean, you are right smile ok

Due to a phone call, I accidentally woke the coworker I carpool with very early this morning. He wasn’t upset at being woken, but said he wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep due to the gardeners outside his window making quite the hubub with their equiment. I suggested he change gardeners, possibly hire some mime-gardeners, but he wasn’t interested.

You know those things they place in the middle of the road that reflect your headlights back at you so you can see where lanes in the street divide? They’re called “Cat’s Eyes”… which I expected you to know, it’s just that I suddenly had a very gruesome, yet not entirely unentertaining, mental image of how they got their name.

someone: I got slippers on.
someone: ‘Cause I don’t got nobody to warm my feets up.
someone: lol, I’ve been at work too much…..I’m starting to talk ghetto.
me: You needs someone to wizzarm your fizzeets?
someone: Hells yeah!
me: lizzol!
someone: wow.
someone: Ok, you can stop now.
me: hee hizzee
me: ::stizzops::
me: ::no rizzeally::
me: ::dizzamnit!!!::

Costume Party Addendum:

The party took place in Pomona, CA. If you haven’t been to Pomona, you’re not really missing much. It’s not South Central LA, or Compton, but it sure as hell isn’t a nice area to be in.

When faced with the surroundings, I just couldn’t resist the opportunity to romp around this somewhat dangerous place while dressed up as a banana.

I have found myself infatuated deeply with Asian culture. The other day while driving to work I saw a sticker on an SUV advertising “asiangear.com”.

To: Site Owner
From: Seth
Subject: Gear

I saw a banner for your site on the back of an SUV recently and decided to
visit. Just wondering, though, must I be Asian to purchase your gear?

Thank you very much,

Seth

In case you were wondering, I recently went to a Halloween party. I was only there for a while, I had to split. What was I dressed up as? A Banana.

me: Thank you for contacting XXXXX Chat. What can I help you with today?
customer: Sorry I can’t be more specific…
me: Well, I’ll need more specifics than, “Sorry I can’t be more specific”