SouthFresh

Not divisible by two.

As hard as one may look, I doubt there’s an appropriate greeting card that covers boyscout leaders getting killed in an electrical accident.

“Wish you were here” hmmmmm

This has been bouncing around in my head for a few days:

It never ceases to disturb me when I see a lone latex examination glove on the side of the road.

Ever wanted to pick my brain? Now you can request my “wisdom” or what-have-you.

me: ::snore::
me: ::slaps self to wake up::
someone: WAKE UP
me: I’ve actually done that when I was too tired to drive.
someone: does it work?
me: For a few moments.
me: Then it just hurts.

someone: today at work we have to create things in the kitchen
someone: we have to invent a novelty
me: An adult novelty?
someone: an ice cream on a stick novelty.
me: An adult ice cream on a stick novelty?
someone: now your talking
me: An adult, battery-powered, ice cream on a stick novelty?
someone: it might get melty
me: Thats why there’s a battery…
me: for the air conditioner
someone: I think this may be too complicated
someone: I think just ice cream will do
me: Adult Ice Cream?
someone: hmmmmmmmmm
someone: maybe
someone: I’ll see what i can do
me: So it could see NC-17 movies
someone: Go drinking,
someone: buy cigs
me: And get drafted
me: and it can star in porn!
someone: bown chicka bow bow
someone: “oh, ice cream!”
someone: “yes YES”
me: “Don’t give me the cold shoulder babe…”
someone: itll do all the nasty stuff sorbet wont do
me: Sorbet is such a snob.
someone: I know
me: Damned Sorbet.
me: “I don’t wanna get my hands dirty.”
someone: “I dont want it in my stick hole”

Oatmeal Raisin cookies wouldn’t be so bad if there weren’t any raisins in them, they weren’t made from oatmeal, and they were actually chocolate chip cookies instead.

Write to your senator!

Though I rarely say much about the world beyond what I can easily fondle, recently a top bazillion questions scientists are yet to answer has been making the rounds. Here is my take on the top 25:

What Is the Universe Made Of?

Marshmallow Cream

What is the Biological Basis of Consciousness?

Marshmallow Cream

Why Do Humans Have So Few Genes?

At $50.00 a pop for good ones, who can be bothered to get more?

To What Extent Are Genetic Variation and Personal Health Linked?

Ask Personal health about it’s problems with the police in Santa Monica, California and “Glory Holes”

Can the Laws of Physics Be Unified?

The key word here is “Compromise”

How Much Can Human Life Span Be Extended?

Just long enough to figure out how many licks it REALLY takes to get to the center of a tootsiepop.

What Controls Organ Regeneration?

That’s all based on how many generations removed from Cain you are, and how many bloodpoints you’re willing to spend.

How Can a Skin Cell Become a Nerve Cell?

Through meditation and a strict vegetarian diet.

How Does a Single Somatic Cell Become a Whole Plant?

Is this the Psycho-Somatic-Addict-Insane kind?

How Does Earth’s Interior Work?

It’s a steam engine.

Are We Alone in the Universe?

I don’t know about you, but there are plenty of people just in my office.

How and Where Did Life on Earth Arise?

Marshmallow cream and New Jersey respectively.

What Determines Species Diversity?

Affirmitive Action

What Genetic Changes Made Us Uniquely Human?

You mean, uniquely human just like all the other humans?

How Are Memories Stored and Retrieved?

8-inch floppy discs and drives.

How Did Cooperative Behavior Evolve?

Its difficult to have war if you don’t have a common enemy.

How Will Big Pictures Emerge from a Sea of Biological Data?

You have to stare just past the data, relax your eyes, then you’ll see the sailboat.

How Far Can We Push Chemical Self-Assembly?

Just to the edge, otherwise it may fall off.

What Are the Limits of Conventional Computing?

Massive Multiplayer Online Games, ’nuff said.

Can We Selectively Shut Off Immune Responses?

Only if 30 days advance notice is given, and filed in triplicate.

Do Deeper Principles Underlie Quantum Uncertainty and Nonlocality?

No.

Is an Effective HIV Vaccine Feasible?

Why bother when we have so many ineffective ones?

How Hot Will the Greenhouse World Be?

Ask Buster Poindexter

What Can Replace Cheap Oil — and When?

Expensive oil, right now.

Will Malthus Continue to Be Wrong?

Only as long as he doesn’t realize that Harry Potter is a guy worth hanging out with.

me: its a good thing we’re good at what we do.
someone: haha yeah
me: because the only thing I have to fall back on is my wizardry skills with chat.
someone: i have my bow skills, that’s about it.
me: Bow… as in shooting arrows?
someone: as in bow staff
me: Now all we need is a guy named Robin-hood….
someone: we can start our own merry band
me: Can we do away with Merry Band?
me: Merry, specifically
me: How ’bout “Happy-go-Lucky”
me: Can we rob from the modestly comfortable and give to the slightly related to us?
someone: i like that, prefect!
someone: let’s give to the frugal and thrifty
me: That’s a good one… or two.
me: A good two.
someone: ‘cus no one should be frugal
me: Everyone SHOULD be frugal, but nobody should HAVE to be.
me: Our mission statement, “We rob from the modestly comfortable and give to the thrifty in an attempt to lower the economic impact of international frugality.”