Outstretched Arm
Something called Outstretched Arm:
[http://www.southfresh.org/wp-content/SVEOutstretchedArm.mp3]
Archive for August, 2005
Intercom or Intracom
If I was the driver of a public bus it would be difficult to resist the lure of the intercom.
“Next stop, courthouse, enjoy the pound-you-in-the-ass future… yeah that means you.”
“Thank you for riding the public bus, you think the guy in the third row is drunk? Well hold on tight…. too bad we don’t have seatbelts, well I have one.”
“Anyone realize how bad being a busdriver is for hemorrhoids?”
“This is a kneeling bus, which basically means I’ve got hydrolics to get all them bitches”
Banana’s The Word
There’s something special about hearing the phrase, “Can you think of any reason why someone would have sodomized your husband with a banana?”
There’s more than one way to skin a minotaur… ew.
someone: what is the plural of thesis?
someone: thesisees?
someone: thesee?
me: Theseus…
me: Prometheus…
me: Theses!
me: Thank you, m-w.com
someone: that site rules
me: The dictionary was completely uselss until it was able to recognize incorrectly spelled words and suggest the correct one.
someone: and before you could type a word and find it
me: “How do I spell this word?”
“Why don’t you look it up?”
“Because I don’t know how to spell it, jerk-face.”
Tacos are People Too
When asked of the possible reasons for the increase of price for tacos from some taco-stand, I replied that it was a cost of living increase for the tacos. Can’t have tacos living in substandard housing, now, can we?
You have to build bridges before you can burn them
lunchbox: …i was skeptical but im sold
me: Wanna buy a bridge?
lunchbox: no thanks
lunchbox: jerk
me: What if I really had a bridge?
lunchbox: is it a london bridge?
me: actually, how do bridge salesmen get past the stereotype?
lunchbox: good question
me: Crappy job.
lunchbox: are there bridge salesman?
me: I don’t see why not. People have to have bridges.
lunchbox: true
lunchbox: maybe they just come from architects
lunchbox: or the stork
me: In cabbage patches
me: … when two architects really love one another, they share a special hug…
lunchbox: and 9 months later…
Good thing I don’t believe in hell…
Maybe its just my Jewish blood or heritage, but I was just at the grocery store to purchase a cake for a coworker and found it disturbing that they have walk-in ovens.