SouthFresh

someone: people that are sinners dont want to be reminded
me: ::gives god the finger::
someone: you are obviously an exception

If you get a kangaroo burger and don’t finish it, can you just take the leftovers home in the kangaroo pouch? Just fold it in to itself. Thats efficiency in action.

lunchbox: I’m never gonna have virus prtection
me: Just put a condom on the network cable.
lunchbox: that doesnt always prevent std’s
me: Its 99.9% effective.
me: Just make sure it doesn’t break.
lunchbox: the best method is abstinenece
me: otherwise you could end up with many laptops.
lunchbox: and on welfare
me: Getting Software stamps from “The Man”

That Piano Thingy ver. 3

Version 9:

Its just a dream, don’t waste your time or money. Piece of shit.

The State of Georgia has many wonders, one of which is “I wonder how the red ants got so freakin huge.”

I saw the largest red ant I have ever seen in my life, aside from the sculpture of a trail of red ants that adorned the ceiling of baggage claim in the airport which was probably designed to scare the jeebus out of any b-grade horror movie fan, out side of an inconvenience store. This red “ant”, had I had more huevos than I currently have, could possibly have been wrangled and made a much more economical rental vehicle (ignoring the venomous stings, not unlike the fees for rental cars). It walked past me, tipped its hat, went into the store, purchased a tall-boy Busch beer (for which it didn’t get carded), came outside to drink the beer in one gulp, burped, spit, then killed and ate a horse.

Well, it was big.

Really big.

Me: You think that when its raining, and the supreme court goes to recess, they play heads up 7up?
Lunch Box: i hope so
Lunch Box: what else are you supposed to do when its raining
Me: They could make shakers from paper plates and beans.
Me: And that minty smelling paste.
Me: I wonder which Justice would be the one in the corner eating the paste.
Lunch Box: there not in kindergarten…. jeeese

Me: Hear about the new suggested appointee to the supreme court?
Me: Who knows what those judges do under that bench.
Lunch Box: those robes are awful big too
Me: I bet they make vibrating gavels.
Lunch Box: ewwww
Lunch Box: court adjurned

Whenever I play video poker on my phone, I always feel like I should be rewarded for interesting patterns in the cards. Maybe I shouldn’t lose the hand if I have the 2, 4, 6, 8, and 10 in whatever suit. Its a satisfying mathematical progression, thats got to be worth some kind of payout.

Well, since my job description seems to change more and more often it may come as no surprise that I am once again dealing with customers. This will give me great fodder for giggles. I provide you with state’s exhibit A:

customer: I just bought something from you online, can I pay with a money order rather than paypal?
me: I’m sorry we currently only accept paypal as the method of payment.
customer: So what address should I send the money order to?
me: We can only accept paypal, I encourage you to open an account with them.
customer: I have a money order from my bank, whats the address I should send it to?