Self Deprecation Will Set You Free

Today after lunch when it was time for my second cup of my morning coffee, I was given a wonderful surprise.  Instead of having that plain old, boring, granulated sugar, I had plain old, boring, granulated sugar with ants.

Mmmmmm.

“We’ve secretly switched Seth’s regular sugar with our new Ant-based sugar.  Lets see if he notices.”

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I was wearing the above shirt yesterday when I went into a fast food restaurant.

Her - “Hi welcome to generic fast food place, how can I help you?”
Me - “Hi I’d like an order of french fries with facial hair, a shake… make that a master shake, and a kinda living pile of meat.”
Her - “…..”
Her - “.          .”
Crickets - “Chirp”

Be careful when you let your coffee cool down.  Gnats have a tendency to decide they like coffee and have a sip.

I’m all for Gnats enjoying their morning coffee as much as the next guy, but its the hopped-up-on-caffeine-and-bouncing-into-me-like-so-much-gnat-sized-gunfire thats getting on my nerves.
Nerves frayed only slightly by the caffeine.

… and the fact that I seem to be taking turns with gats sipping it… ew.

[http://www.southfresh.org/wp-content/uploads/2006/06/20060629.mp3]

“Are you on drugs?”

Be prepared to answer the preceding question the next time you decide to spend months-on-end sitting close to the tv, indiscriminately watching anything that comes on while wearing sunglasses set tilted so that only one eye is covered.

Or be nine years old with understanding parents, like I did.

Side bar: next time you’re on drugs try spending months-on-end istting close to the tv, indiscriminately watching anything that comes on while wearing sunglasses set tilted so that only one eye is closed… it’ll keep ‘em guessing.

The inventory gods are mocking me. The simple desire to organize product into groups of equal-quantity piles thwarted by having 17 units.

It has been decided that I will write a novel. I have no clue what its going to be about but the title will be:

“In Heaven both pieces of two-ply toiletpaper are perforated at the same place.”

I have wonderful recall when it comes to what I dream about.  This can be very interesting, very entertaining, and as of last night, very disturbing.

I’ve dreamt I was dead, dreamt I was being poisoned by a small viking, dreamt the standard naked-in-class dreams, saving the world, world is ending, swiming, flying, filling in as a replacement keyboardist for Depeche Mode…

Last night in my dreams, I met a man who kept cats as pets… cats that no longer had bodies.  Just  heads with a piece of spine sticking out.  They hopped around on their spiney-peg-leg…. meowed and everything.

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Once in a while I’ll come up with something tiny that I really like:

[http://www.southfresh.org/wp-content/uploads/2006/06/playingwithfilters21.mp3]

I just wandered into the bathroom, maybe wander isn’t the correct word since I was intending to go there.  Anyway, I opened the door and the lights were off.

Take it from me, it may sound like a good idea but after all is said and done, peeing in the dark usually just ends up horribly embarassing.

At least thats how I imagine it would be.