Self Deprecation Will Set You Free

Once again faced with having to take pictures of women’s apparel, this time with extremely thin fabric, I was forced to deal with the Dirty Nipple Manequin.  But how does one ask his coworkers, all female, “Should I clean her nipples?” without getting smacked with a sexual harassment lawsuit?

me: It’s interesting what a medicationless good night’s sleep can be like…
me: When it’s interrupted 573,852 times because you didn’t take your meds.
someone: lol
someone: is there any withdrawal with your prescription?
me: Not sure.
me: Only bene two nights and I get my refill today
me: been
me: Withdrawl symptom number 1…
me: bad typops
someone: lol

me: I felt ripped off the other day.
me: I clicked the vendy-button for a Fanta and received a Sunkist
someone: lol
someone: you would rather have the Fanta?
me: It’s not that.
me: Just the principle
me: Like ordering RC Cola and getting Shasta instead.
someone: Sunkist is lower quality than Fanta?
me: You’re missing the point here, Skippy.
me: Its like getting a Big Mac instead of a Whopper
someone: lol
someone: what’s the big deal?
someone: I am missing your point big time
me: I expected a Fanta
me: I didn’t receive a Fanta
someone: But how did you get ripped off?
someone: lol
someone: You didn’t get less than a Fanta
me: Had the button said “Fanta, or sometimes, just maybe, you might get a Sunkist”, it would be different
me: I’m on to you now, Mr. Vending machine man. You watch yourself next time you try to slip a Sunkist into my machine.
someone: …
someone: hmm
someone: That sounded nasty

The supply cabinet at work somehow became a storage place for a few gallon jugs of Iced Tea (without ice, which probably just makes it Tea), situated right next to a jug of Iodine.

The tea tastes a bit odd, but my goiter has disappeared.

me: You like BBQ?
someone: Sure
me: I have plenty of BBQ Sauce
me: …
me: on my shirt
me: …
me: And on my pants
someone: lol
me: We had the BBQ Place cater a company lunch
me: And I want a refund.
me: There’s not enough bbq sauce to cover my clothes completely
someone: lol
me: I’m going to smell like a bbq all day.
me: At least maybe people will think I’m tasty
someone: Hell yeah
someone: Hopefully your girlfriend likes BBQ

Right now the powers that be have me taking pictures of women’s clothing. I have one of those half-bodied forms of a woman’s torso to put the clothing on.

Her nipples are dirty and I’m not sure if I should feel like I’m violating her by grabbing some Windex, paper towels, and just cleaning them.

I need to see how my girlfriend would feel about having her nipples cleansed with Windex.

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My employer has me doing a project which, for a large part, requires me creating four-character codes for long color descriptions. I wonder how long it’ll take before someone realizes I’ve been using the periodic table to create these codes.

“What the hell is HG?”

someone: My breast itches
me: Nice.
me: I hear they have cream for that.
someone: lol
someone: Really?
someone: ’cause I’ve been having this problem for months
me: Calamine lotion
someone: lol oh
someone: Some days i can’t help sticking my hand down my shirt… like today
me: heh
me: Changed your detergent lately?
me: Or Fabric softener?
someone: no
me: Are you covered in fire ants?
someone: No
someone: Thankfully
someone: It’s only the left one
me: Is your left one covered in fire ants?
someone: Nope
me: Have you tried putting it in warm water?
someone: lol