SouthFresh

When the trick-or-treaters came to my door tonight, having planned way in advance and completely forgotten to have candy, I figured it wouldn’t be acceptable to offer them a Boddington’s Pub Ale.

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And don’t forget:  When you go to a job interview, make sure to wear enough lipstick that the bulk of it ends up on your teeth.

This season, Gingivitis is IN.

A recent encounter reminded me of a not-so-recent semi-encounter I once had.

Long, long ago, in a state on the other coast, I was on my way to class.  Stopped and waiting for the red light to change, a quick look in the rear view mirror provided a mirror view of a very attractive girl…

… until she stuck her finger straight up her nose, apparently intent on packing her entire fist in there.

Though technically her looks hadn’t changed I didn’t want to continue looking.  Unless maybe she managed to pull out a bouquet of roses.  THAT would have been a cool trick.

Seeing the warehouse manager flying around on this I just couldn’t resist to make a small modification.

Before:

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After:

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Somethings in life are irresistible.

• Stealing bibles from hotel rooms
• Calling 867-5309 at 2:30am
• The Snooze Button

Add to my personal list “Writing on whiteboards in the office…. even if they’re in the personal office of the company’s Directory of Operations when he’s out at lunch.

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me: http://www.boygeniusreport.com/2007/10/18/motorola-responds-to-penis-gate/
me: Got that from Fark.com
someone: Too funny
someone: I want a penis on my handset.
me: My handset is my penis
me: “Hello?”
me: “Can you hear me now?”
someone: lol
someone: “Goooood”
someone: You must be very bendy.
me: Length comes in “handy”
someone: lol
me: And if I use the other ear, it’s like talking to a completely different person.
someone: LOL

Just having some fun

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Here I was hoping for a little indulgence in the alcoholic side of things to only find out that there’s no Scotch in butterscotch candy.

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Dearest Miss Marie Ahmed,

What a fortunate mixture of names you have.  It is wonderful to see how different religions can mix as people are named.

USD 6.5 Million American Dollars is quite a sum of money.  By my calculations, that is nearly Canadian Dollars 6.3 Million Canadian American Dollars, but then again, Canadia doesn’t really count does it?

It is heartwarming to hear your story, especially since we have grown tired of hearing a similar story from your cousin in Nigeria…

someone: Ben Kingsley is of Asian decent?
me: I’m assuming that’s a rhetorical question.
someone: Yes.
me: Can’t you tell he’s asian?
me: Just imagine him with a Sailor Moon outfit on.
me: Totally Asian
someone: Haha
someone: Ben Kingsley has been married 4 times.
someone: …can’t imagine spending most of a decade with someone, then 2 decades with someone else.
me: Even if you spent a decade with Ben Kingsley?
me: In a Sailor Moon outfit?