Self Deprecation Will Set You Free

When I die, my plan is to have my remains launched in to space aimed at some rocky extra-solar planet so that some day archaeologists will find human remains on a strange remote planet and get to thinking.

If I can’t pull that off, then this might work.

I recently purchased some toilet paper.  This was apparently normal toilet paper that donated some portion of the profits towards breast cancer research.  The donations towards research really didn’t make any impact on my decision to make the purchase.  Though now any time I use the paper I get to think, “Take that cancer!”

If you haven’t played “N” the puzzle platform game, I suggest you download it. Once you get good at it you can submit your scores for the world to see:

And if you’re really good, your scores will be submitted by a furry little bunny.

You know you want it:

Passed by a Kentucky Fried Chicken today with the billboard outside reading:

Yes
We Open

me: Holy shit
me: I just did a search on Google for “Self Deprecation” and my blog is number 8
someone: Oooh!
someone: lucky number 8
me: Not that it’s exactly a common thing to search for when looking for a very funny blog
me: “very funny”
me: But still.
me: I bet I’m not even on there if you look up, “Very Funny Blog”
someone: LOL
me: But at least I’m in the top ten of something

someone: How about… umm… some 6″ cotton tipped applicators?
someone: Giant q-tips can be funny.
me: How giant?
someone: 6 inches
me: Is that length or girth?
someone: lol
someone: Why would you need a q-tip 6 inches in girth?
me: You said it would be funny, and I can’t think of anything quite as funny as a q-tip with a 6 inch diameter cotton tip.
someone: Geez never mind.

someone: My work does not want to let me go to the drugstore
me: awwww poor you.
someone: They wish I would move in and never leave.
me: Don’t you work for a medical supply company?
someone: Yeah.
me: Can’t you just steal some medical supplies?
someone: Uh…
someone: Would you like a vaginal speculum?
someone: …with or without light source?
me: No thanks I’ve eaten already

Over the Thanksgiving period I was part of a 4 person driving crew. We were attempting to travel a good 1000 miles or so, non-stop. When it was my turn to drive my girlfriend said, “Just drive safe, please.”

“What do you mean by that?” I ask.

“Well, usually when you’re driving, you drive like someone’s chasing you.”