Self Deprecation Will Set You Free

While going through my rss feeds on Google Reader I came across this. I don’t think it’s exactly what they meant though:

beardless wonder: Man, why does the Starbucks chic have to be so cruel?
beardless wonder: And why do I have to be so damn attracted to her?
beardless wonder: I love her attitude.
beardless wonder: But it hurts.
me says: Love hurts.
me says: Love grows.
me says: Like cancer.
me says: Cancer hurts.
me says: And both will make you go bald.
beardless wonder: lol.

me: I think a church local to my work worships a koala bear.
someone: uh what?
me: I think a local church secretly worships a koala bear.
someone: How do you know this?
someone: …or think it?
me: I was getting some local directions from Google Maps and saw this:

someone: LOL
someone: Hey… Koala bears are pretty awesome?
someone: And that’s a huge church compound.
me: And the bear looks PISSED.
someone: LOL
someone: He does look a bit evil.
someone: Cuddly but will kill you in a heartbeat.
me: I ATE EUCALYPTUS LEAVES FOR YOUR SINS FUCKERS!
someone: ROFL
someone: I’m dying right now.
someone: So you should pay a little more attention to this place.
someone: See what they’re all about.
me: They’re all about Jesus dying on a eucalyptus tree.
me: And being reincarnated as a snuggly marsupial.
someone: I think that’s a nice idea.
someone: I would cuddle with Koala-Jesus .
me: We need t-shirts:
me: “Real men cuddle with koala jesus”
someone: LOL

me: …2 birds, one stone
me: I used the full version of that metaphor with my girlfriend not long after we met.
me: “That’s a stupid metaphor.” She says
me: “Why?”
me: “In Spanish it’s two flies with one swat… that makes much more sense.. Who kills a bird with a stone?”
bearded wonder: lol
me: 1 point to the hot Latina.
bearded wonder: Americans are talented mother fuckers
me: LOL
me: 1 point to the bearded wonder.
bearded wonder: LOL

Things not to do at your new job #261:

When turning in that first written report, do not include the word, “dicksnap.”