SouthFresh

Preacher Billy Graham spends night in North Carolina hospital near home | abc13.com

The Rev. Billy Graham is in a North Carolina hospital, awaiting word from doctors on whether he has pneumonia.

So with Billy Graham in the hospital are we supposed to hope he gets better or hope he gets promoted to heaven?

And here he is in his most memorable role in the hit comedy “Nothing But Trouble.”

me: At first I thought he looked like Vigo the Carpathian
me: But it was a better fit with Nothing but Trouble
bearded wonder: Either way, he naturally turned into the movie cliche of creepy old guy

bearded wonder: It’s actually pretty comical how hard it is to get them to a) brush teeth b) eat anything c) get dressed d) leave f) go into the school
me: I find that threatening children with the prospect of being set on fire helps.
bearded wonder: You threaten them with that, and they’ll find some way you never thought of to set you on fire
bearded wonder: The little fuckers
bearded wonder: It’s like let’s make a deal with something equally as annoying as Howie Mandel
bearded wonder: And when a 6 year old is telling you how it’s gonna be, it’s kind of the same thing
me: Duct tape?
me: Gaffer’s Tape?
bearded wonder: Can you try and recommend anything that won’t put me in jail?
me: Where’s the fun in that?
me: Staple gun?

bearded wonder: I still don’t know what the hell someone is talking about.
me: He’s restoring razors.
bearded wonder: What are razors?

me: So to do the stupid impress the girl thing…..
me: Last night I got home in enough time to learn how to play “The Beautiful People” by Marilyn Manson on expert level with the pro guitar.
me: She likes that song
bearded wonder: lol, yowsers
bearded wonder: you know it’s not to impress her…
me: No, it was seriously to impress her
me: I take no shame in that.
bearded wonder: …it’s to make her pay attention to you playing guitar.
me: But her paying attention does nothing unless it’s impressive.
me: I could play a guitar by using cucumbers and leeches. This would not go as well
bearded wonder: And that could get weird in bed

me: I saw a Rush documentary the other day
bearded wonder: how was it
me: I now better appreciate all of the songs they have that sound like the same song.

bearded wonder: I think I watched 7 episodes of 30 rock yesterday
me: Jesus.
bearded wonder: Yes?
me: I sliced my finger.
me: Fix it, Jesus.
bearded wonder: :: waves hand ::
bearded wonder: Still bleeding?
me: Yes, but now I’m bleeding wine.

me: YGM
bearded wonder: Speak normal to me!
bearded wonder: Oh, mail.
bearded wonder: mail: 4 characters
bearded wonder: YGM: five characters
me: …
me: The math where you’re from…. it’s different than ours, isn’t it?
bearded wonder: Caps lock on and off
me: SHIFT
bearded wonder: Either way
bearded wonder: Shift is an extra button
me: or not
me: ygm
me: 3 characters
bearded wonder: CLARITY
me: …
me: That’s six characters
bearded wonder: FACE PUNCH

bearded wonder: Are eggs ok to cook if they’re a bit frozen?
me: I would suggest waiting for them to thaw
me: You may end up with weirdness in the cooking process…
bearded wonder: shit, I cracked one and an egg slushy fell out.
me: …unless you’re planning to scramble/omelet
bearded wonder: It will be an omelet.
me: This begs the question….
me: Why are your eggs frozen?
me: Are you doing invitro fertilization of poultry?
bearded wonder: LOL
bearded wonder: Just bought them from Trader Joes
bearded wonder: guess the fridge is too cold
bearded wonder: or
bearded wonder: they just came out of the truck
me: I would take them back.
me: Most eggs come out of a chicken.
me: I don’t know how good a truck-egg-omelet is going to be.

bearded wonder: The taxes scramble ahhh
me: Taxes scramble?
bearded wonder: Yeah, I meat with tax man in a couple hours.
bearded wonder: I sausage the landlord afterwards.
me: How much of a steak do you have in the meating?
bearded wonder: Well done.
me: It’s rare.
bearded wonder: I’ve been smoked.
me: Well that’s mutton new.

bearded wonder: What’s worse than drunk texting?
me: Drunk texting while driving and having sex on Lombard Street in San Francisco.
me: Or listening to Creed.
bearded wonder: lol