Ergo
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You have been connected to representative.
representative: Hi! I’ll be happy to help you today!
me: I need to know which of my accounts are being used. Not which one are being billed, but which ones have usage.
representative: Only our Account Services department has access to that information; if you are the account holder, you can reach them by phone at xxx-xxx-xxxx M-F from 6am PST – 8pm PST. They’ll be happy to assist you with your inquiry.
me: Where would I log a complaint about this chat service being useless?
representative: I do apologize you feel our chat service is useless. Is there anything I can assist you with?
me: Well, “useless”, ergo, no.