SouthFresh

Watch

Seth — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 20:05:33 +0000

someone: Lost & Found, someone left a Men’s stainless steel TAG watch here.
me: If it has number 1-12 on it, then it’s likely mine.
someone: It’s not yours ….. It doesn’t have 1-12 on it. HA!
me: If it has number I – XII on it, then it’s likely mine.
someone: NOPE…Try Again…
me: If it has numbers 1, 10, 11, 100, 101, 110, 111, 1000, 1001, 1010, 1011, and 1100 on it, then it’s likely mine.

Database Somewhere…

Seth — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 21:24:06 +0000

someone: silly question
me: Fire away
someone: Is anyone monitoring what anyone says/chats on Facebook or anything like that?
me: no.
someone: Do we even have that capability in place?
me: It is technically feasible.
me: Feasible at the drop of a hat, no.
someone: Ok, good to know.
someone: Just now and again I have some admirers say some probably not safe for work things to me on Facebook
someone: Just wanted to be sure that would not end up on some database somewhere.
me: Yea it does end up on a database somewhere…. called Facebook
someone: LOL

Ergo

Seth — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 15:39:57 +0000

Please wait while we find a specialist to help you.
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You have been connected to representative.
representative: Hi! I’ll be happy to help you today!
me: I need to know which of my accounts are being used. Not which one are being billed, but which ones have usage.
representative: Only our Account Services department has access to that information; if you are the account holder, you can reach them by phone at xxx-xxx-xxxx M-F from 6am PST – 8pm PST. They’ll be happy to assist you with your inquiry.
me: Where would I log a complaint about this chat service being useless?
representative: I do apologize you feel our chat service is useless. Is there anything I can assist you with?
me: Well, “useless”, ergo, no.

In Utero

Seth — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 19:32:24 +0000

bearded wonder: Are eggs ok to cook if they’re a bit frozen?
me: I would suggest waiting for them to thaw
me: You may end up with weirdness in the cooking process…
bearded wonder: shit, I cracked one and an egg slushy fell out.
me: …unless you’re planning to scramble/omelet
bearded wonder: It will be an omelet.
me: This begs the question….
me: Why are your eggs frozen?
me: Are you doing invitro fertilization of poultry?
bearded wonder: LOL
bearded wonder: Just bought them from Trader Joes
bearded wonder: guess the fridge is too cold
bearded wonder: or
bearded wonder: they just came out of the truck
me: I would take them back.
me: Most eggs come out of a chicken.
me: I don’t know how good a truck-egg-omelet is going to be.

Well Done

Seth — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 16:21:01 +0000

bearded wonder: The taxes scramble ahhh
me: Taxes scramble?
bearded wonder: Yeah, I meat with tax man in a couple hours.
bearded wonder: I sausage the landlord afterwards.
me: How much of a steak do you have in the meating?
bearded wonder: Well done.
me: It’s rare.
bearded wonder: I’ve been smoked.
me: Well that’s mutton new.

Holy Crap

Seth — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 11:45:45 +0000

I do have to say, being in the office hours before anyone else gets here is slightly creepy.

What-was-that-noise?

Cruzer

Seth — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 19:49:08 +0000

Note to self: Make sure not to loan out the USB drive named “cocksucker”

She said?

Seth — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 16:27:39 +0000

someone: The USB cable on that other hard drive sucks. This one, you can feel the tightness of.
me: That’s what she said.

The yellow room

Seth — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 06:14:23 +0000

The hotel room wasn’t originally yellow, it had yellowed with age, or smoke back when smoking was legal. Originally the hotel room had been pristine, the kind of sterile only large chain hotel rooms attain.

As she sat on the bed the parallel between the room’s change and the changes experienced by those of her profession skittered across her thoughts. It skittered across her thoughts and was quietly killed before she dwelt on it too long. Not killing those thoughts is what got those in her profession killed. The real danger, she knew, always lied within.

All of her tools were ready, laid out like a doctor’s tools before surgery. Her tools weren’t meant to heal, though she’d met some doctors who sometimes played both sides of that game.

Her target would be in the next room by now. While she waited for the correct time she busied herself with her emotions and frustrations, the cut on her shoulder, everything, and putting it all in a small package in the back of her mind. Without the clarity this thought-package provided she could make a mistake and after all, the real danger always lied within. Even here, in this special place.

Tough Room

Seth — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 20:46:45 +0000

So apparently when asked at work to investigate why the system shows that there is “Negative Inventory” nobody finds it as funny as I do to mention that maybe it’s just positive inventory moving backwards in time.