SouthFresh

bearded wonder: What’s worse than drunk texting?
me: Drunk texting while driving and having sex on Lombard Street in San Francisco.
me: Or listening to Creed.
bearded wonder: lol

I’ve got a box of the new Starbucks Via instant coffee.  To put it to the test I used two packages of the Via instant coffee and to top it off I passed on using hot water and hydrated it with freshly brewed coffee.  If I start to vibrate I’ll let you know.

me: I’m doing my best to get Nancy to start liking vampire stories
bearded wonder: She’s not into them?
me: She doesn’t like them because they’re “ugly”
bearded wonder: ahhh.
me: But she likes the stories.
bearded wonder: “Once Bitten.”
me: Once Bitten rocks.
bearded wonder: Yeah, Jim Carry before he went stupid.
me: EXACTLY
bearded wonder: hmmm, ask my sister.
bearded wonder: She’s a huge vampire nut
bearded wonder: She’s read like every Anne Frank book.
me: Anne Frank is the girl from WWII.
bearded wonder: Been to her house, totally got the vibe.
me: The vampire vibe?
me: Ooh. New JJ Abrams movie…. What if Anne Frank was a vampiress?
bearded wonder: And the Nazis were…. the good guys?
me: I invoke Godwin's Law.

I had forgotten to mention the fact that our Mixed Martial Art friend/fan of Rush who got his ass knocked out in 9 seconds must have had a friend who had a match later that same night.

His amazingly inappropriate inspirational introduction music was “In The Air Tonight” by Phil Collins.

Really?  This is your “I’m going to beat your face into a bloody mass” music?  I checked, the drum part that you’re all thinking of doesn’t even happen until 3 minutes and 43 seconds into the song.   WAY longer than the 30 seconds you get as an amateur fighter to get your pussified self to the ring.

And this musically inept fighter was also martially inept.

Remember kids, when you want to inspire people, rile up some energy for your MMA fight DO NOT USE PUSSY MUSIC. That is all.

I highly suggest that when doing your intro for a Mixed Martial Arts match that you don’t choose to use Rush’s “Tom Sawyer” as  your intro music.  You will get the shit kicked out of you -  if not by your opponent, then by any conscious grouping in the audience.

As the contender walked out, strutting to this song I thought to myself, “I hope he gets knocked out just because he chose this song.”   Some times what you ask for does come true.

bearded wonder: Guitar vibratos are way easier to do with my right hand, so much more coordination.
bearded wonder: Maybe cause it uses more wrist and arm
bearded wonder: I’ll never be good at vibratos on my left hand
bearded wonder: But the point is, I try it right handed and it’s perfect
me: I’ve never had a problem…. or I totally suck and don’t know it.
bearded wonder: Do you jerk off lefty?
me: Only after the right one gets tired.
bearded wonder: see?
bearded wonder: I can’t even do that
me: lol
me: Go break your right wrist.
me: You’ll learn how really fast
bearded wonder: lol
bearded wonder: ouch
bearded wonder: hmm
bearded wonder: maybe then the trick to improving my left hand is to only masturbate left handed
me: Or to have a broken right wrist.
me: Maybe that was the only reason I can do vibrato with my left hand.
bearded wonder: I prefer gain without pain.
me: Thats because you’re a pussy.
me: I broke my arm for my guitaring.
me: What have YOU done?
bearded wonder: You got your ass kicked,
bearded wonder: don’t lie.
me: No, actually I fell.
me: Now I sound like a battered wife.
me: I wonder if battered wives can do good vibrato
bearded wonder: lol
me: Or maybe you should get a battered wife to jerk you off left handed
bearded wonder: Hmm, battered wife aint a bad idea.
me: I’m trying to avoid a reference to a corndog here.
bearded wonder: And I’ll avoid understanding it
me: …
me: …
me: batter

Contrary to popular belief, my wife tells me that in Honduras they don’t call the very popular card game, “One” instead of “Uno.”

The first hint that things might not go quite as we expected with our flight was the pilot’s brilliant show of observational expertise when announcing that we would be encountering something he quaintly described as, “Weather.”

I don’t think I need to finnish the idiom.