Self Deprecation Will Set You Free

someone: …the, “Do Everything For Me” button.
someone: I think I know a company that makes it.
me: I like the “Do Everything For Me” button.
me: It’s way better than the “Easy” button.
me: Fuck the “Easy” button.
me: Give me the “It’s completely finished, go to lunch” button.
someone: Why not the, “Live my life to the fullest, so I can go bury myself” button?
me: Doesn’t sound quite as enticing, really.
me: How ’bout the “Go pee for me so I can drink endless amounts of coffee without getting up” button?
someone: Oooh, that’d be good.
someone: Or just the, “Go pee” button.
me: I think you need to add the “for me” to it.
me: Otherwise you might hit the button and have to clean up your desk.
someone: Right.
someone: “What’s this button do?”, “Nooooo!”
someone: ::squirt::

You just don’t see many Amish stand-up comediens these days. Ho hum.