Self Deprecation Will Set You Free

someone: So did you cry for the creator of D&D?
me: I tried to, but I failed the skill check.

When I die, my plan is to have my remains launched in to space aimed at some rocky extra-solar planet so that some day archaeologists will find human remains on a strange remote planet and get to thinking.

If I can’t pull that off, then this might work.

someone: Whoa, Anna Nicole’s dead
someone: crazy
me: Yeah.
me: Someone in my office said, “I almost think her death is a prank.”
someone: Yeah, a little stunt
me: My response…
me: “I always thought her being alive was a prank.”
someone: lol
me: God’s top 10 list of pranks
me: Girraffe
me: Platypus
me: Anna Nicole Smith…
someone: that’s cruel, poor platypus

someone: that settles it
me: Settles what?
someone: If i could pick anyways to die…
someone: It’d be to be eaten by a Megalodon
me: I’ll go for Threesome.
someone: That takes a distant second.
me: I’ll admit there’s no comparing it to how fun it would be to be eaten by an extinct animal, but I’m a simple man.

Anytime I pass by a carnival with one of these slides I have to stop to ride it. Even if I was on my way to a funeral…. even my own funeral. I think I’ll put that in my will, “If on the way to my plot a carnival with a slide is found…”

Nobody’ll know I’m dead, come on… have you really LOOKED at some carnies?

As hard as one may look, I doubt there’s an appropriate greeting card that covers boyscout leaders getting killed in an electrical accident.

“Wish you were here” hmmmmm

On some random cop show in which there was mafia involvement with innocents, bombs killing innocents, sex, drugs, and murders happening left and right I heard one of the cops say, “Its a worst case scenario.” This statement is misleading, I can think of plenty of things that would make the scenario worse than it already is. Like a bacon shortage, for example.

Or opening a box of macaroni and cheese, to find that the powdered cheese mix is missing.

That would really suck.

There is still a myster corpse of a tree laying in the street in front of my house. It appears that nobody has notified the coroner’s office, so there it lays. I would call the coroner myself except then they’d ask me a whole load of questions, “Can you identify the body? Where were you at suchandsuch a time of night? Did you hear any shots?” I can’t take that kind of pressure and would probably confess to the murder.

Somewhere there’s a family tree missing a branch. Enough to make you cry really, ok, not really.

It’s the middle of 1100 C.E..

“Henry what’re you doing.”
“Giving this horse what-for.”
“Its dead.”
“I realize that.”

A cliché is born, or at least that’s one coneceivable explanation…. I like it and I’m sticking to it.

My Bone Thugs N Harmony CD sounds distinctly like Pearl Jam…. oh, nevermind. :: eject ::