Self Deprecation Will Set You Free

Over the Thanksgiving period I was part of a 4 person driving crew. We were attempting to travel a good 1000 miles or so, non-stop. When it was my turn to drive my girlfriend said, “Just drive safe, please.”

“What do you mean by that?” I ask.

“Well, usually when you’re driving, you drive like someone’s chasing you.”

A recent encounter reminded me of a not-so-recent semi-encounter I once had.

Long, long ago, in a state on the other coast, I was on my way to class.  Stopped and waiting for the red light to change, a quick look in the rear view mirror provided a mirror view of a very attractive girl…

… until she stuck her finger straight up her nose, apparently intent on packing her entire fist in there.

Though technically her looks hadn’t changed I didn’t want to continue looking.  Unless maybe she managed to pull out a bouquet of roses.  THAT would have been a cool trick.

Only in the United States can one be travelling along a freeway at 80 miles an hour and be passed by a minivan on which the dual “Baby On Board” stickers are momentarily obstructed by the driver having tossed his cigarette out the window.

I was required to be at work on Christmas Eve until 10:55pm. Not that I was all that dissapointed about missing my family for dinner and getting to know one another. if I had shown up for dinner with my family, nobody would have understood… we don’t celebrate Christmas.
“I’m home mom!”
“Great! What for?”
“Christamas Dinner?”
“You must have us confused with your other famliy.”
No matter what your faith is, or lack thereof, working Christmas Eve is dreary, slow, annoying, and you can’t wait to get home. As the clock turned to 10:55 I was running out the door and on my speedy way home. It is impossible to find good driving music, Christmas Eve, on the radio.
Radio Station 1: Christmas Music
Radio Station 2: Christmas Music
Radio Station 3: Christmas Music
All of my preset radio stations were playing Christmas music. Now, Christmas music isn’t bad just because it’s Christmas music, it’s just horrible for driving. Driving 80+ miles per hour is not helped by hearing “White Christmas”. It was time to start hitting the dreaded Scan button to see if there was a bastion of non-Christmas music, preferably somewhat fast. After scanning through almost the entire range of radio stations I was lead to a station just in time to hear the DJ say, “We’re about to begin another 18 hour set of commercial free Christmas music.”

At that point, I gave up.