Self Deprecation Will Set You Free

On my lunch break I saw a sign for an online dating service based in the city I now work in.

Single?
CummingSingles.com

Really now.

someone: An impala would be great for you.
someone: You could live in the trunk!
me: Not without air conditioning it wouldn’t.
someone: I bet you could get a good airflow going in that thing
me: Trust me, with the humid heat out here, that wouldn’t help
someone: Ew, humidity.
me: Just be like spraying yourself with hot pee
someone: LOL
someone: That’s my favorite feeling

I am declaring war on Georgia and the stupid little wannabe flies it has.

• Come in to work today, and find 8 dead flies sitting in my clean, empty, coffee mug.
• Wash out mug, make coffee
• When coffee is ready find 3 dead flies sitting in my clean empty coffee mug
• Wash out mug, pour coffee
• Sit at desk
• At the very moment I place my mug on my desk a Kamikaze fly dive-bombs the shit out of my coffee.
• Wash out mug
• Before I can pour another cup of coffee a fly lands on the inside of my mug, struts around, produces a flag and claims my mug in the name of his nation
• Kill Fly, wash out mug

Triple 777?  That’s nine 7’s, oh and by the way, you spelled “Etc.” wrong.

someone: So there’re fires over there, eh?
someone: You must feel at home
me: There’re fires?
someone: So says the headline I just saw
someone: ’cause of the droughts.
me: Good
me: Maybe some rednecks will die
someone: lol
someone: Scary fire
me: The more rednecks in the fire, the less scary
someone: This is true
someone: I want to see them though
me: The rednecks?
someone: yeah
me: Me too
me: But only if they’re burning in a fire
someone: lol

Across the street I live on there’s a small shopping center with all the regular stuff you’d expect.  One of the stores is a Tanning Salon.  Bonus point for Georgia here, Georgia has many more cloudy days than California does so though tanning salons don’t make a whole bunch of sense to me, them make a little more less sense than in California.

During a membership drive they had loads of banners, fliers (note: I originally misspelled “fliers” and magical spell check’s first suggestion was flayers… appropriate I think), signs, wonders.  Then on the final weekend of their “Come in and let us give you a measured dosage of skin cancer” membership drive they offered some free food for… I’m assuming anyone who walked by, since the food was outdoors and unattended.

In California you might expect to see something like this where two local businesses teamed up like the tanning place with the juice place, Sushi Bar with Massage, or the head-shop with Snaks-R-Us.

These guys, with the tanning and beauty and all?

Teamed up with the local BBQ.  Maybe you get basted with their sauce?

Just in case you want to have the healthier side when you go out to eat at the BBQ Place:

[thumb:36:c]

When walking into a BBQ place in the “Deep South” its next to impossible to explain away why you are covered in glitter.

California, no problem. They expect that. They even send people move-in packages with glitter and organic grains, “Come live in California, get some glitter”. Well, maybe not, but they don’ take too kindly to glitter here, not in the South, and definitely not in a BBQ restaurant.

Less than a mile from my place of work is a church which has a Vegas style full color lighted marquee with animated text and pictures inviting everyone to come to their church.   I’m hoping that if I sit in front of the sign long enough it’ll say “$5 Prime Rib, You Think Mary Magdalene was bad? Our slots are more loose than her!!”